SassyBlonde

So I started my diet (really, I did) two days ago. Not as hard this time as I thought it would be... of course, I did cheat today... and yesterday...

Not to worry though-- the cheating is getting smaller and so are my scale numbers (hopefully)

Hooray for diets! (I can just see myself in the sleek leather pants now...) :)

So the diet is going along swimmingly-- Managed to still have a calorie deficit even after Saturday's party... that's a miracle.

Walked for one hour today-- very proud I was able to stay in the workout room downstairs fore that long-- there was a very large and VERY stinky lady in there for my last 30 minutes. Eeewy.

Oh well- I have high hopes of going back down with hubby when he gets home. :)

I mean that title in every sense of theword. I don't think I'm ever going back to that particular OutBack Steakhouse... oops... time to go back to the loo...

Doh!

I really like this whole weight-loss thing, but geez, I really need a belt. I caught myself hiking up my pants all day. At least my underwear matched my shirt. :)

Oh. My. Gosh.

I just got on the scale on a whim and *gasp*choke* I couldn't believe my eyes.

I've never been one of those people you see who just kind of "lose weight". It's work for me, honey. Five miles of running you say? Lowering scales, you say? The hell you say. Not a chance.

Enter the endodontist. So began the Root Canal Diet. I have to say as diets go, this one's been all right, albeit unintended.

End result? As of this minute I've lost 20 pounds-- the first time I've been below 200 pounds since our honeymoon. Would I do it again? Bring it on.

A personal best-- 195 this morning. w00t!

So sis and I went shopping at H&M tonight-- I was so excited because this is the first time in four years that I've fit into a size 14. That was before I was married!!!

She got tons of really cool stuff-- I window-shopped. Gotta wait until next month for shopping. (Low on the dough right now) Still-- it was nice to know that if I wanted to,I could have picked out a snazzy sexy outfit from a regular store now!!!!

Down another two pounds today. LOVE. IT. That makes 192. Woohoo!!!

I went to the beach yesterday with hubby, and WOW, were there a lot of people there.

It always surprises me when I'm there to see these little thirteen-year-old tarts running around in little to nothing, and strutting around like they're the sexiest thing that ever happened to a bikini.

To the thirteen-year-old that I saw yesterday in the isty-bitsy-red-bikini-with-a-playboy-bunny-on-it: Honey. Please. You don't even have tits yet. What are these childrens' mothers thinking?

I have to also say that I'm doing better with this whole self-image-as-it-relates-to-my-bathing-suit thing. Hubby and I went shopping at Target together for one. Bathing suit shopping is never, and I repeat, never fun. But he wanted me to go and try some bikinis on since I've lost all of this weight (35 pounds so far!). We found a nice one (of course strings everywhere) and I gave it a shot yesterday.

We arrived at the beach early and changed at the Fenwick Island bath house. It was so cool in the breeze off the ocean that I had to keep my cover-up on until almost noon, by which time the beach was teeming with people.

About that time I was starting to swelter and hubby put up the umbrella. Still hot, even in the shade, I thought, "Well, all right chicka-- it's now or never!" After carefully arranging my lounge chair and beach blanket, I stripped off the shorts and tee-shirt, all the while thinking, "Okay, just breathe-- there are lots of people out here who look worse than you,"

To my amazement, no one ran screaming.

It was a novel feeling, I have to say. Here I was, nearly naked in public, and I even got a cat-call from a cute college guy. So, with even more ambition to do the thing justice, I'm going running today. After all, you only live once, right?

So the current count is 63 pounds lost, to the weight of 155 pounds. I tried on a size 8 suit at Nordstrom yesterday!!!! Now I just have to get into an exercise rountine. Maybe that will help my blood sugar count, which is kind of out of whack at the moment. Ah well, I'll work it out. I have to say, it's really nice to try on a pair of Prada pumps have finally have the legs for them!

Oooooh... a size-8 Roxy bikini for the beach next week!!!!!!!! Hubby tackled me when he saw it. ::teehee::

So I was contemplating how best to get rid of the final ten pounds when I had a huge flashback experience.

I logged onto Glamour.com's online diet guide, Body By Glamour, to get a little advice on some toning up exercises, seeing as how beach season is upon us. I was intrigued to see a little ad for their link to My Virtual Model, a service which will take your dimensions and create a virtual you, complete with all you features, for better or worse.

Imagine my surprise when I logged in to find the VM I had created two years ago at my highest weight.

Wanna see the difference?

I really think that was the best doughnut I've ever eaten. Chocolate frosted yumminess.

(The SPS sells doughnuts and coffee in the Physics building every morning, and after that microbiology exam I felt like a treat. And how can you beat a doughnut and coffee for a buck?)

What's your favorite kind of doughnut?

I want to look even half as good as this woman, Morjorie Newlin, does when I'm her age! By the way, she's 86 years old! (No, this is not a hoax, she's appeared on talk shows like The View and Oprah and been interviewed by multiple papers.) Apparently inspired to improve her health when she was unable to lift a 50-pound bag of kitty litter at the grocery store, she has gone on to win multiple awards for bodybuilding in her 70s and 80s.

I read this article today and promptly went and did my crunches and push-ups. HOLY HOT GRANDMAMA, BATMAN!

This morning I awoke to the sounds of my husband scraping out the grill-box. It's that time, again, ladies and gentlemen: the Labor Day Barbeque and two days of slow-smoking pork shoulders. There's a subtle and time-honored mystique to a good batch of barbecue: in the South, pulled pork is one of the Holy Grails of food, with its requisite cults of true believers.

In the North Carolina, it's treated with a rub and finished with a vinegar sauce. Now, what this sauce is based on is a subject of heated debate and has probably caused more than a few feuds down through history. Western North Carolina favors a tomato base while Eastern North Carolinians love nothing more than a simple vinegar spiced with red pepper and brown sugar. South Carolinians prefer their sauce made with mustard, no tomatoes, thanks.

In Memphis, your pork can come either "wet" or "dry" (with or without sauce already added), and the sauce is sugar-sweet with brown sugar and molasses.

In Alabama, where I'm from, the meat is smoked super-slow and caramelizes in its own juices over about 14 hours of low heat. It needs no sauce to dress it up, but for those with a taste for excess, our red sauce provides the richness of tomatoes and molasses, the kick of vinegar, and the heat of cayenne pepper. You can choose whether or not ot cool it down with a topping of creamy cole slaw.

Beans and white bread are, of course served on the side, and it's all washed down with a huge glass of syrupy sweet tea. And let's not forget the rich homemade banana pudding and peach cobbler for dessert.

The house is already filled with the rich smells of wood smoke and vinegar, and the hammock awaits as we watch the fire-box. Welcome to the weekend, y'all.

Seriously. I'm cut off-- apparently can't drive home from work without stopping at McDonalds, and that totally grosses me out.

Nasty, nasty, nasty, nasty, nasty. No more burgers. I swear. Just thinking about it makes me want to worship the porcelain god. *Urp*

Forget the diet today and tomorrow... Chipotle's giving away free food. Check it out.

In case you didn't know, today is Free Cone Day at Ben & Jerry's stores. The Muse has been hyped up about this for weeks... What's your favorite?.

UPDATE: Well, The Muse dragged me out to get my free scoop tonight, even though I was crabby with her when she called earlier today. Mmmmm-- Strawberry Cheesecake. Totally worth going out. (Especially since we got out to McGinty's for dinner. (Totally kick-ass shepherd's pie and beef & Guinness stew.) Hope you all got yours!!!!

Can I just say that I hate packing?

All day today I've been getting ready for my trip home to Alabama this week. Cat-sitter briefed? Check. Bills mailed? Check. Clarinet practiced? Sorta check. Work finished? Almost check. Toilet scrubbed? Check. Food packed? Check. Checkbook balanced? Check. Clothes packed?

Not even sorta check.

I have this passive-aggressive relationship with my clothes right now. They're all in the size I've been most of my life, and it kinda makes me sick. See, all of my life that I can remember I've been a at least a size 12-14. I can remember when I was in middle school, looking in the juniors section of Penney's at jeans. I was lucky to fit into a 13, if I really tried.

Then a couple of years ago, I had an abrupt bout with the Root Canal Diet, and was diagnosed as diabetic. Through a lot of mistakes made by my doctors, I went on for two years with the erroneous diagnosis of Type II diabetes, all the while shedding weight and trying to stay upright as my body cannibalized itself. At my smallest, I was actually too small for my size 6 birthday dress, and had to have my mom pin up my bridesmaid's dress at my sister's wedding.

Then finally came my doctor's bright idea that maybe the pills weren't working, and he started me on insulin. I'm not kidding when I say I literally put on twenty pounds in two weeks. I grew out of a clothes size every couple of days. Finally my weight stabilized at about 175, still fifty pounds below where I ultimately started from, but forty pounds heavier than when I bought my summer bikini, the first one I'd ever been proud to own. I never even got to wear it at the beach.

Now, I admit that the next twenty pounds are my own fault. I was in school, stressed out, and eating to compensate. I own that, I really do, but that doesn't mean that my pictures from China don't make me cringe.

So that puts us back to where we are now. I'm fat again. When I see clothes on the rack, I automatically go for the largest size they have, hoping it will fit. I wear a lot of yoga pants and tee shirts, because frankly I'm too chubby to wear the cute-girl clothes I really want to buy. What's going in my suitcase is basically stretchy, black, and nothing cut above the knee.

I still remember this time last year, when I stepped on the scale and saw the number where I now unhappily sit. It had been a long time since I actually wanted to curl up and die in a corner, but there was that old feeling again. And what sucks about it-- if I could be sick and skinny or healthy and fat? Definitely skinny. At least I didn't hate myself every time I looked in the mirror.

I actually talked to D about this the other night, because let's face it, we're both in the same boat weight-wise. I basically I told him I've had to make the decision over the last couple of weeks between whether I want to enjoy food or look good, and it took me a long time to honestly answer that I'd rather starve myself and be skinny in the long run. This, you have to remember, from someone who loves to eat like a fish likes to swim and whose favorite section in the bookstore is the cookbook aisle. So there it is, folks. Hi, I'm Starving Sassy, and this is day number four of the calorie count. Hopefully by this time next year that bikini will be back in play.

And before anybody tries to "cheer me on" or "cheer me up", stop right there. I don't want to hear it unless you are in or have been in the same boat. Most people have no idea how hard it is to lose the magnitude of weight I'm looking at in the rearview, and what a daunting task it is, especially for someone who has a pretty mean fucking complication to deal with like diabetes. Seriously, shut the fuck up. I can guarantee that even though I may not look like it right now, I probably know as much or more than you do about weight loss and how to achieve it, so keep your suggestions to yourself. If I want advice, I'll ask my nutritionist or personal trainer, because Alli is for idiots, diets don't work in the long run, and low-carb dieters have nothing on me, brother-- I can do that shit upside down and backwards in my sleep. (It's one thing to have to count carbs to lose a few pounds, but it's quite another to have to do it to stay alive.)

Anyway, this is by way of saying that there may be some serious food-bitching going on here in the future, so be aware. You have been warned-- the fat kid's cake has been taken away, and it's not going to be pretty.

So here's the thing:

I've missed you guys.

I've had some pretty heavy things going on in my life this year, things which basically have changed the face of my entire existence in one way or another. And I haven't really felt comfortable talking about that here, in public, for anyone and everyone to read. More importantly, there are very good reasons why I can't and shouldn't.

And frankly, it's killing me.

Because if you're still reading this, then I've probably known you, or had you as a reader, for long enough that you're probably wondering what the hell happened to me.

Because if you're still reading this, you're probably one of the people whose opinions and love I value enough that I'm going to need your help in the next year.

Because frankly, I need an outlet more in-depth than Twitter and less personal than Facebook.

So here's the other thing:

On March 1st, this blog is getting a makeover. I'll be moving it to a new server, shaking up the layout a little, and converting it to a new CMS, though the site address won't change. The ranting and raving and silliness will stay the same, only there will be some things that I don't want to share with everybody, some things that I may need to share and say, but only within certain circles. I'm tired of keeping it all pent up and I've done that for long enough.

If you're still reading this blog, and you're been a loyal reader or friend or even a long-time lurker, email me at (sassy{at}sassyblonde{dot}net) with the title of this post in the subject line or comment on this post and request an access key. I'd love to have you in the circle.

Til then, I'll be cleaning house and doing some renovation, and I'll see you on March 1st.

UPDATE: So, snow and circumstances being what they've been around here, I'm going to have to ask you guys to wait around a little longer, which actually ends up being appropriate for a lot of reasons. I've gotten all your emails and comments, and if you can hang tight for a few more weeks, I'll have the next phase ready on April 1st.