SassyBlonde

One thing that I can never quite successfully navigate after spending any amount of the time playing on the road is an epic bout with the post-tour blue funk. It always starts about the time I get off the final flight or ride home and lasts pretty much directly in proportion to the agony and/or ecstasy experienced and the length of time I've been gone, and I'm always completely knocked for a loop at how black and all-encompassing it is. This time, of course, has been no exception: when I walked off that final plane, I was already falling down the well, and as I've learned, there is no solution but to brace for impact and hope nothing breaks at the bottom, then dust yourself off and begin the long slog back up the slope to normal life.

When you travel and work closely with a group of people for so long, it's easy to become accustomed to their presence in your everyday life: you know where the are and what they're doing, almost to the minute, of every waking hour, including all of the little dramas and idiosyncrasies that make them tick and tock, so when you finally part ways it's kind of like you've lost an appendage-- you're cut off from the collective and the silence can be deafening. The worst time is at night when I can't sleep and there's no one around-- nothing to save or distract me from the loneliness I feel, the loneliness that D can't really understand and my friends here have no idea about. I've dealt with this before, but somehow I didn't think it would be quite so devastating this time-- I had hoped that time and experience would lighten the load and make it a little more bearable, but I think I let everything in a little too much this time, so extricating myself from the death of the experience is like ripping my heart out a piece at a time.

The extreme jet lag isn't helping, but I'm really hoping I can bootstrap myself into working condition for my two shows today. Maybe work will help me reclaim my place in everyday life so that I can find some sense of normalcy, but for right now I feel enveloped in a suffocating black velvet cloud, unable to navigate and find my way home. There is light, but it seems very, very far away, and the path seems long and steep this time. *sigh*

So here's the thing:

I've missed you guys.

I've had some pretty heavy things going on in my life this year, things which basically have changed the face of my entire existence in one way or another. And I haven't really felt comfortable talking about that here, in public, for anyone and everyone to read. More importantly, there are very good reasons why I can't and shouldn't.

And frankly, it's killing me.

Because if you're still reading this, then I've probably known you, or had you as a reader, for long enough that you're probably wondering what the hell happened to me.

Because if you're still reading this, you're probably one of the people whose opinions and love I value enough that I'm going to need your help in the next year.

Because frankly, I need an outlet more in-depth than Twitter and less personal than Facebook.

So here's the other thing:

On March 1st, this blog is getting a makeover. I'll be moving it to a new server, shaking up the layout a little, and converting it to a new CMS, though the site address won't change. The ranting and raving and silliness will stay the same, only there will be some things that I don't want to share with everybody, some things that I may need to share and say, but only within certain circles. I'm tired of keeping it all pent up and I've done that for long enough.

If you're still reading this blog, and you're been a loyal reader or friend or even a long-time lurker, email me at (sassy{at}sassyblonde{dot}net) with the title of this post in the subject line or comment on this post and request an access key. I'd love to have you in the circle.

Til then, I'll be cleaning house and doing some renovation, and I'll see you on March 1st.

UPDATE: So, snow and circumstances being what they've been around here, I'm going to have to ask you guys to wait around a little longer, which actually ends up being appropriate for a lot of reasons. I've gotten all your emails and comments, and if you can hang tight for a few more weeks, I'll have the next phase ready on April 1st.