SassyBlonde

I am too old for this shit, seriously.

Why doesn't life come with a reset button? There are times when I hate my job, unequivocally, completely, and with abandon. Today was definitely one of those days.

Let me tell you a little story: after closing a very successful show last week, for which there was a lot of drama as usual, we moved on to the next one. Because we never know where the next paycheck is coming from, we agreed to pitch in on this one, even though we've spent our entire summer slogging through with no time off in pursuit of the meager paycheck working there affords. Granted, I know, it's not as meager as some things, but when you break down the rate per hour it's nowhere near union scale, or even fair wages. It is, however, a guaranteed check and a generally fun job sometimes, which can be few and far between as music gigs go.

Well, I can unequivocally, completely, and with abandon tell you at this very moment that it's not worth it. Tonight I was subjected to more shame, fear, and anger than anyone should ever have to deal with in a two-and-a-half-hour show, and I don't ever want to have to do that again. Not for any amount of money, and not for not-enough-money. All I could think about was when our friend bailed out last year in the same scenario, and how I couldn't blame him at all now that I was there now. And how I wanted to slap the conductor for making all of the same mistakes she railed on my friend about the year before that. And how trapped and shoddy and second-rate and prostituted I felt because I had to calculate in my head whether or not we could make rent if I walked out right then.

And then I felt like I couldn't breathe and I realized that two fucking hours had undone four days of sun and sand and song and laughter and relaxation with the Frankenberrys, and that there was not going to be any hope of me sleeping normally tonight. People dream about doing what I do for a living, but all I dream about it bringing someone coffee a la Mad Men and not worrying about paying the phone bill.

Reset, please.