SassyBlonde

I need to leave this place. It's gotten to the point where I feel like a caged animal, looking for any and every opportunity to run from this city, temporary or permanent.

There are a lot of things I like about living here, but there are certain things that are starting to wear on me in ways that I know are permanent and terrible. I'm starting to channel Joanne's toast and outlook just a little too much for my own good.

I have a lot of problems with here, but by and large the biggest one is the people. They're rude, self-centered, and mostly just sadly ridiculous. And entirely too self-righteous. I know there are exceptions to the rule, and granted I'm probably just seeing the world through gray glasses at the moment, but it makes me tired. I don't know how people like Jen can do it, living among so many people who are so indifferent and smug and keeping her light shining bright. I love my good friends here, but they are few and far between and surrounded by energy vampires, narcissists, and passive aggressive clowns. It's the me, me me, it's all about me thing that bothers me the most at the moment, because this week there have been a number of occasions where that attitude has cropped up even in people I thought were beyond that stage.

Music is an unrewarding job sometimes, sure, but there are times to bootstrap yourself and take it on the chin and just get the job done, cost be damned. I was always taught, both directly and indirectly, that once you gave your word to be somewhere or do something, you did it or died trying. This goes for taking gigs as well-- if someone calls you to do a gig and you accept, then you're committed. If someone else then calls you to do another gig which pays more money that conflicts with the gig you already have, you then have a dilemma: do you take the higher paying gig and leave your first contact high and dry or remain a person of your word and turn down the second offer? To me, the answer is obvious-- I was always taught that once you've taken a job, it's unethical to back out simply because something better comes along. Now granted, it's a weird microcosm we work in: "jobs" can encompass one night or a year or more, and there are sometimes gray areas where you can bait-and-switch your way out with a sub, but you never, ever simply bail out without a plan in place. Not if the gig pays anything, and not if the gig pays nothing, and not if it's a great gig, and not if it's a crappy gig. It's simply unethical.

My problem this week has been that I have been dealing with entirely too many people who, it now appears, were not raised with the same ethical compass I was given. I learned growing up that if you're friends with someone, you should bend over backwards not to screw them over, not that because you're friends you can screw them over and they'll understand. Apparently that's not how it works here, because there's a whole group of people that believe that's fine and that's how they operate.

I am so done. Now pardon me, I have to go practice so I can win a job and blow this popsicle stand as soon as possible and let these jokers kiss my ass on the way out of town.

Personal Soundtrack: "The Ladies Who Lunch" (click here)

(Above cartoon by Hugh MacLeod, one of my favorite bloggers and artists.)