I have to weigh in on this link I found over at chicky.
This past week we were blessed with the presence of some friends who have a seven-year-old son. I have to say that I'm simply amazed at the devotion and sacrifice that parenting requires. That being said, I firmly place myself in the category of "Those Not Interested In Being Parents, Thank You Very Much."
Recently, more and more people have started asking the question of me and hubby. Thankfully not parents or in-laws, as they have a little more sophisticated view on the whole issue. Some people can be downright rude, when given my answer. ("So when are you two planning on having kids?" "Frankly, I'm not interested. I have forty kids-- I just give them back after a half-an-hour a week." "Never?" "Not as long as I'm teaching."
Now, I have to make a clear distinction here. Just because I don't want any of my own, it doesn't mean I don't like them. I work with them closely for thirty hours a week, after all. I love most of my students dearly, and thoroughly enjoy their company. Mostly.
It's that other group that makes clear to me my preference every week. The ones whose parents are bitter about their existences, and whose attitudes are a strong reflection of that. This is my reasoning for opting out for now:
I have many students whose parents will do anything to keep the little beasties (their words, not mine) out of their hair. If they're not in school, then they're being shipped off to camp or lessons, or sports, most of which is attended to by a nanny or au pair. Why? So the parents can live like they have no children. Why bother? These are the children that will put them in rest homes in their decrepit old age to keep them out of their hair. Turnabout is fair play, after all.
Growing up, I had a wonderful stabile family, in which my mother chose to be a stay-at-home Mom and have the career of raising my sister and me. I would never expect any less of myself as a parent. If I have children, they will be my career. They deserve the attention and caring I have to give.
However, there is a barrier there. I have a career, and a viable one at that, as a musician. I could not ever countenance ignoring my children for that, but neither could I give it up with a clear conscience and free heart. I love what I do. I mold young hearts and minds and help them to grow up better informed and educated about the world around them.
I also love the freedom I have to practice as I need to, go out to rehearsals and gigs as I need to, and sleep when I need to. Can you imagine having to find a nanny who's willing to stay over with the kiddies until I get home at 1 AM? I think not. Selfish? Maybe in a way, but also logical. How could I justify trading off spending time with my kids for work time? I don't think it would work very well. I'd be a wreck with guilt. Not interested-- after all, I grew up Baptist.
I know way too many people in my profession who are very extremely bitter about giving up their careers to have children. I watch it eating them alive when they see colleagues with the freedom to go on tour, schedule sessions, and perform-- all without having to find a sitter. I've seen the guarded envious looks they give people talking about where they're going and what they're doing. Again, not interested.
A while back on the TV show The View, the ladies were discussing a poll that had come out saying a large percentage of people with children would choose not to have kids if they could do it over. They were all (with the diplomatic exception of Star Jones) so very offended by this idea-- that someone wouldn't want their precious children... oh dear. Let's be clear about something-- I know way too many who secretly fit that category to dispute it. I wanted to wring their collective necks.
It's a choice. Not a sad twist of fate-- just something I'm quite ambivalent about. It's not a burning need. What really steams me is their idea that I'm somehow scarred, callous, or childish for not being interested. That's where I draw the line. I've thought this out, people. It's a logical choice, not an emotional one. After all, if mama's not happy, nobody's happy.
