Okay, so this isn't original in the least, but who in hell taught the good people of the metro DC area how to drive? I was nearly killed eleven times on the way home from Virginia tonight.
I mean, these people are about as insane as you can possibly be-- there should be a special wing of the nut-hatch just for them. I've basically got the 5 divisions of DC drivers figured out:
1. The Talkaholic: Hang up and drive. Nothing is that important. If it is then you should be off somewhere taking care of it and not on public highways, si?
2. SUV Drivers Anonymous: I think this one speaks for itself-- after all who among us hasn't been almost run into the Tidal Basin by some overzealous yuppie who hasn't yet realized that they don't own the entire road just because they're too high up to see the rest of us on it?
3. The Fast and the Furious: Okay-- all of you complete morons who fall into this category, listen up-- just because you can afford any old car does not mean you should trick it out to the max. One does not need to build a monument to one's own stupidity, n'est-ce pas? In some cases I can see it, but yesterday I passed a souped up Ford Festiva. 'Nuff said.
4. Jalopy Joe (or Jane): If it ain't road worthy, get it off the road. Your cars do for the beltway what fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches did for Elvis's arteries. Don't go there.
5. DWF (Driving While Foreigner): Now, I fully realize that most of you couldn't even afford a car in your own country, and those of you that could were used to driving on the other side of the road, but please don't expect us to understand. Read the driver's manual at the DMV (or get someone to translate for you)! There's a subset in this group specially reserved for foreign diplomats: just because our government gives you immunity, that doesn't mean the rest of us will (or can) get out of the way when you're driving the wrong way down a two-lane pretzel pass that hugs the mountainside.
At any rate, I think y'all can see my point. Ciao for now, sweeties!
